A cut above

Today was nice. I woke up around 10:30 with a barely perceptible hangover and started packing my stuff to move to my new place. I went downstairs at 12, checked out, jumped in a Taxi and went of to Hiroo-o.

I got there, turned on the air-con (it was bloody roasting) and started to unpack. It felt a bit weird as I still haven't got curtains and anyone that wanted to could look in, but that's on the cards to be fixed tomorrow. Anyway, once I was done, I took a look around town and found a bunch of barber shops. This was fortunate as I was beginning to look like I should be called Claudius... So, after nipping to Roppongi to buy an inflatable mattress to do me till tomorrow when the furniture should arrive, I went for a haircut.

At least, that was what I thought I was getting. It started innocently enough. I had a bit of communication difficulty with the barber and after a couple of failed attempts I convinced him that yes, I really wanted him to use the clippers, and I really wanted it short - but not the 2mm length he thought I was initially looking for. Now, remember, this is Japan, so even though this guy was using the clippers, he has to give me the full service. After the usual ten minutes it takes to crop the mop he took out the scissors and went over my whole head to ensure that it was perfectly even. This takes at least another ten minutes. Then he started to check the fringe was perfect - another 2/3 minutes. After that, he took out some hot towels and starts rubbing my head - 2 minutes again. Then the scissors came out and he went to work on my side burns. My hair was looking pretty good at this stage - the only thing that needed work was the back. So when he started to take away the shroud that barbers aleays wrap round you, I was a little confused. Not to worry though, he was only putting a fresh one on. He then tidied up the back of my head, and went over the entire mop AGAIN with the scissors! Current timing - 35 minutes. Right, by this stage I was getting bored - and he could tell. "How heavy are you?" what the f*ck? He didn't speak much english and I think he was trying the usual Barber shop "go anywhere nice for holiday?" conversation. But come on "how heavy are you?"!! What was I to say... "very" was all I could think of. I don't know my weight in kilos after all. This was very funny apparently. Nonplussed as I was, when he asked if I wanted a massage I just agreed. Of course this just presented him with the opportunity to pursue the conversation. "His wife is very fat!". Huh? I realised he was pointing at the owner of the shop - an old guy about 5ft, balding and chuckling to himself at the joke. At this stage my resistance had dissolved. "How fat?" I asked. This causes bouts of spontaneous belly aching laughter. Oh dear. They both stood behind me (I hate how hairdressers do that) and explained through international sign language exactly how heavy she is. As I understood it she is about 5ft too, but both horizontally and vertically. I find this hard to believe as the number of overweight Japanese is without a doubt far lower than anywhere in the west. Hilarity aside - the massage clocked in at ten minutes again.

I was under the impression that my cut was coming to an end. It was not. Of course, this was a barber shop - and in Japan they do everything 100% Kshhiiiing..... Kshhiiiing..... Kshhiiiing..... For those that don't know, that's the sound of a cuthroat razor being sharpened. But I didn't get the usual shave - oh no. Out came the hot towels again. This time they were applied to the back of my neck and my ears. Huh? Anyway, after whipping up some shaving foam and applying it to my neck the shaving began. The banter stopped at this stage - much to my relief. But the shaving kept going. He pretty much shaved around my entire hairline. Not at the front - but I got a fright as the guy next to me was getting his EYEBROWS shaved. I wasn't looking forward to explaining that 'No no, I like my eyebrows the way they are thanks!' It didn't come to that but it did come to shaving my EARS! I've never had my ears shaved before. And not just the lobes and the external parts. The cuthroat went right into the hollow next to my earhole. Maybe its because I've never had a full barber shop treatment before... but all of this pretty much came as a shock.

Finally, after over an hour, he was done. I had have expected him to offer me a beer while I waited, but it wasn't to be. How much did this cut, shave, massage, comedy duo routine cost? Fifteen whole pounds. Wow, not bad. I had been bemoaning the price before I went in. But when you scale it to the time taken and the extra services, this is even cheaper than Mr Topps in London. Aah, anyway, I'm now heading out for a couple of beers.

Gnight!
SAB